The Pagan And The Pervert

It’s Sunday night and the Pervert has been awake for over 24 hours after a night shift and Father’s day. He’s had a ten minute nap on the couch at his parents. We’ve crawled in to bed early so he can sleep.

I lay beside him listening to the rhythmic snorts and grumbles that accompany a good nights sleep for the Pervert. I think my exact thought was “Fuck this for a game of checkers” as I climbed out of bed to watch some TV in the hope I could turn my mind off. To achieve this I was watching “Dodge Ball”. When that was nearly ended I flicked over to Californication, the local station repeating the first episode. I saw the first set of tits and thought, “Not bad but obviously fake” and went off to surf boobies on the internet.

A fruitful half hour later I was wet and horny as hell. Surely Pervert had enough sleep by now, a whole 2 hours.

I walked in to the bedroom and he opened his blood shot eyes. I slowly removed my top and smiled at him. “Phwoar” he says, followed by shutting his eyes and a grunt that showed he was asleep again.

Okay, thinks me, I’ll massage moisturiser into my belly and breasts and moan loud enough that he wakes up, sees what I’m doing and gets the idea.

Result; Me more horny, him asleep and snoring.

Roll over and chew on his ear. Guaranteed to wake him up and make him happy.

Result; Grunt, moan, push away, rub ear.

Seriously, how rude can he get! He’d had some sleep now I wanted some action! I know, something more direct and to the point.

“Hey, do you really want sleep more than I want sex?”

“Snort, grunt, huh? Snore…”

Okay. So maybe he’s tired. Stuff it. Purple play pal it is. Ten minutes of vibration and clitoral stimulation with me moaning so loud I’m scared my mother will hear. Finish, roll over, turn off light. Sleep.

The next morning the Pervert looks at me and says “Did I really choose sleep over sex last night?”

This entry was posted on Tuesday, September 4th, 2007 at 1:59 pm and is filed under Humour, Life, Sex. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.